Reality vs Expectations
by BellaEdwardlover1991
Summary: He broke up with me, saying he doesn't love me anymore. Dealing with that sure would be easier if he wasn't still everywhere in my life, doing all the things I love so much about him. Drabble, once a day updates.
1. Chapter 1

**So, I worked my butt off today to get this finished. It's complete, with the pre-reader now but I figured I can go ahead and post the first one. This has 70 drabbles. I will post once a day, until I'm done writing The Other Point Of View. However, since I indended to post this before midnight EST, you'll get another one later today.**

**If you're here for some smut - well, this story is not for you. However, it is rated M for that reason.**

**Unbeta'd so any mistakes are mine. **

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**1.**

He is my everything. The love of my life. The person I will spend the rest of my life with. And it seemed that he felt the same way about me. There hasn't been a reason to think otherwise.

We have been a couple for almost seven years. We went on vacation together last year, rented a cabin near a lake and spent three weeks in utter bliss, playing around and making love and just having a lot of fun. It seems as if we were headed towards a bright and happy future together. My mother has secretly been making wedding plans, thinking we'll be married before the end of the year.

I am so happy with him. He is my sunshine, my life and even during bad times he always manages to cheer me up.

Until that one day.

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**Who's along for the ride? **


	2. Chapter 2

**I have to thank my pre-reader, One of Eddies girls, who not only helped with little plot holes, but also with wording suggestions so this story can be as good as it could be. Another thanks to CullensTwiMistress who looked at it when I was about halfway through and gave her comments and such too. Writing when you're half asleep usually doesn't help. Another thanks to Heather, for helping me out with comments on the emotions in the first half too, as I struggled with that for a while. Being someone who never truly had her heart broken, it wasn't too easy for me to get that across.**

**Any mistakes left are entirely mine, and feel free to point them out :) **

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**2.**

It truly comes out of nowhere.

"Bella, we need to talk."

Normally, those four words would cause warning bells to ring, but not with me. _We are finally going to discuss our future together. _Maybe we'll get married or something. I'll finally be Mrs. Edward Cullen.

So the words that come next hit extra hard.

His face is neutral, not showing any emotion at all. His voice is calm and steady. But the words he says next are like a punch in the stomach.

"I don't think we should see each other anymore."

I swear, for a couple of seconds, my heart stops beating. I can't breathe. I can only stare at him, not sure if I heard the words correctly.

"W-what?" My voice hitches.

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**As you understand - you'll need a box of tissues with you at all times reading this. But, suitcases have been packed and shotgun has been claimed... Let's do this, shall we?**


	3. Chapter 3

**I re-edited and changed some things in the first 2, though nothing special.**

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**3.**

He sighs. "You heard me, but I'll repeat again. I don't think we should be together anymore."

My thoughts move at a mile a minute yet my brain still can't process this.

"W-why?"

"Because… We've been together since we were sixteen. We were each other's firsts. You're the only one I've ever been with. I'm almost twenty-three now. I feel like I haven't lived my life. We're getting to the age we're supposed to settle down and I just realized I haven't experienced anything in life. I want more than this. More than you."

The words are knives in my chest, over and over again. I feel my heart breaking with every single one of them.

I am not enough.

He wants more than me.

His words keep spinning in my head as he keeps talking. I can't hear anything anymore. Then I feel his lips on my forehead, jolting me back into my body.

"I love you Bella. I'm really sorry. I hope we can be friends." A weak smile appears on his face before he turns around and walks away.

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**Some of you are worried... Remember, I always write a HEA, as rough as the journey might be. (Remember Chances?)**

**Thanks for the support so far! I love you guys :D **


	4. Chapter 4

**4.**

I sit in the same position for hours. I don't cry. I don't speak. I don't hear anything, I don't feel anything. I'm numb, lost in my own world. One that is filled with pain and sadness and confusion.

My mother is the first to come home from her job as a teacher. She sees me sitting on the couch in the living room. It takes a couple of minutes for her to reach through the hazy mist that surrounds me. When I try to explain what's going on I finally burst into tears. I cry and cry and cry as my mother takes me into her arms and tries to calm me down.

I cry for hours, not even noticing my dad coming home and ordering pizza for all of us.

I can't eat.

Instead I go to bed to cry some more. I cry and cry until I can't cry anymore, until the hiccups mess with my breathing and my eyes are too puffy to stay open.

Eventually I fall asleep, haunted by dreams of what could've been.


	5. Chapter 5

**5.**

The next morning I wake up, hardly able to open my eyes. They're puffy and sealed shut from all the crying I've done. I sit up, all my muscles sore and I just want to cry all over again.

But I'm not letting myself. I've done enough crying for a lifetime. No more tears over Edward Cullen, who thinks I'm not good enough for him.

Damn. Traitor tears come out again.

Then there's a knock on my door, followed by my mother's voice. "Bella?"

Right. I forgot about going to my parents' place instead of my own apartment here in Forks. Not that I really wanted to go back there.

"Yeah?" I hate how my voice cracks.

She opens my door and comes in, sitting down on my bed and grabbing my hand. "How are you doing, sweetie?"

I point to my puffy eyes and the tear tracks on my cheeks. "What does it look like?"

She smiles sadly. "I guess that was a silly question."

"Yeah, very." I nod.

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**Yeah, by the way... This isn't the "Oh well, I'll get over him and be happy" kind of story. I tried to kinda stay as close to realism as I could.**


	6. Chapter 6

**6.**

My mom is a real sweetheart. She tries to get me to talk about what happened, but I can't even think about it without crying. And I just don't want to cry anymore. One night is enough.

I am not naïve and I know this will hurt for another while, but I'd like to think I am a strong, independent woman who can stand on her own two feet.

A couple of more tears escape, making my mother pull me into a tight hug.

"I don't want your pity," I tell her softly, pushing her away. I push off the blankets and get up. "I'm going to shower."

While showering I cry some more, promising myself this is the last time for at least the rest of the week. Considering it is Wednesday now, I should be fine. As long as I don't run into him, I could just put it all out of my mind and focus on finding myself a job for this summer.


	7. Chapter 7

**7.**

I manage to get a job as a waitress at the local diner that very day. The pay itself isn't too good, but the tips should more than make up for it. Like my mom always tells me, smile and be polite and friendly and pay attention. That should make a good waitress.

After my first week I've made a couple of hundred dollars already, and the best part is that I've managed to avoid Edward. Of course, he's on my mind all the time. I keep wondering where things went wrong. But like I promised myself, I don't cry. The only time a couple of tears slipped were on Monday morning in the shower. If I can stick to crying once a week, I should be more than fine in a couple of months.

I feel proud and powerful, knowing that I can live without the love of my life.

That is, until he enters the diner.


	8. Chapter 8

**8.**

It's been nine days since I last saw him, yet he looks so different to me now. He looks the same, but the way he carries himself is such a disappointment to me.

I know I've been walking around like a bit of a zombie, my eyes permanently red with bags underneath them from a lack of sleep. I haven't cried much, but nightmares woke me up every night since the break up. The fact that my life has no clear direction anymore is reflected in my dreams.

He, however, looks like he always does, perfectly fine. It seems as if our break up hasn't affected him at all. He has perfect skin, perfect hair, no bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep. His body language is relaxed. His eyes are sparkling and there's a big grin…

Directed at a blonde haired girl behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

**9.**

I gasp, quickly grabbing the cloth I was using to clean off tables and hurrying towards the employees' area. There I run into my boss, Mrs. Stanley.

"Can I please take my break now?" I ask, feeling like I'm about to faint.

With a concerned look on her face, Mrs. Stanley puts her hand on my forehead in a motherly gesture. I'm trying to hold back tears, but her sweetness and compassion make a couple of them spill on my cheeks.

"Is everything okay?" She asks.

The sound of laughter that is all too familiar to me reaches the employees' area. Immediately the look on her face shows she understands. In a small town like this our break up is known by everyone.

"Go. Take as long as you need."

I don't hesitate and run to my truck, tears now running down my cheeks freely.

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**Several people have asked for more updates a day. I'm sorry but I need to keep it at this pace so I have time to write The Other Point Of View so it can start posting right after this. When I'm done writing that one I will start updating this twice a day.**

**Thanks for all your support - I love reading your comments and how all of you hate Edward.**


	10. Chapter 10

**10.**

It takes a good twenty minutes for my tears to stop. Every time I picture Edward and the girl they flow again.

She is absolutely beautiful, and quite the opposite of me. She is tall with a model-esque figure, with long blonde hair and a smile that will melt any guy.

I can't blame Edward for wanting to go out with her, after having been 'stuck' with me for years. I'm not surprised he goes for my opposite. I don't think I could ever date someone who'd be like him, there'd be too many memories coming back every day.

I'm ripped out of my musings by a knock on the door of my truck, making me jump. I look at who it is, tears almost escaping again. I take a deep breath and open the door.


	11. Chapter 11

**11.**

"What?" I hadn't planned to sound harsh and angry, but it's what comes out.

It makes Edward step back for a moment, hurt and confusion on his face. Then sadness follows.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I just wanted to say hi. I thought I saw you run out of the door there and I was worried."

It is so tempting to snap at him some more, that he should get back to his new girlfriend, but that isn't fair to him. I have no more right to claim him, no more right to be mad at him for anything. He isn't mine anymore, proven by the blonde now waiting for him inside the diner.

I sigh, now sad. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

He smiles sadly. "Okay."

I get out of the truck, making sure not to touch my ex-boyfriend as I closed my car door.

"You work here now?" From the tone of his voice I can tell he's surprised.

Tears are waiting to be let go of again, but I manage to hold them back when I smile sadly at him.

"Yeah. I had to have something to do since my initial summer plans disappeared."

"Ouch!" He laughs, pretending I stabbed him.

I shrug, hoping that actually hurt him a bit. "I have to get back. Bye, Edward."

* * *

**Edward is an ass... yes?**


	12. Chapter 12

**12.**

Walking away without looking back is harder than I thought, but I manage. When I enter the diner from the back and headed back to the register, Mrs. Stanley gives me a quick hug and makes sure I won't have to serve the area where Edward and the girl are sitting.

When they are about to get up and pay for their food, she makes sure she sends me to the back for something we don't need.

I could've hugged her in that moment. She really is the sweetest boss I could ask for. Although she is known to be a bit of a gossip, she is also very protective of people she really cares about. Strangely enough I was one of those people, even though I never really got along with her daughter, Jessica.

I could still hear him though, even from where I was. The sound of his voice makes my heart hurt, but what hurts even worse is the conversation that follows...


	13. Chapter 13

**13.**

"Where's Bella? She was just here?" He asks.

"She's doing something for me in the back," Mrs. Stanley answers. "It's not polite to ask about your ex-girlfriend while you're in company of another woman who is not her, nor family." She also points out.

I want to high-five her. I feel the same way. Even though I automatically don't like the girl, he isn't being fair to her.

"Lisa here is just a friend, and she knows that Bella and I only just broke up."

"A friend is not someone whose leg you stroke underneath the table. Or kiss her neck. Or anything like that." Mrs. Stanley's voice is sharp. Then she lowered her voice, though I could still hear her. "I don't know if I should admire your nerve, or curse you for it. How dare you bring this girl with you to the diner? How dare you hurt Bella so much, already having a new girl around her hometown, where everyone else can see how happy you are to move on from her? I feel sorry for that broken hearted girl, and I'd like you to know that until she can handle it you will not be welcome in this diner."


	14. Chapter 14

**14.**

"Can you do that?" He is surprised.

"I own this diner. It's up to me who's welcome and who is not." Mrs. Stanley's voice sounds sweeter than corn syrup, but her words are clear.

"Wow. Okay." I hear the sounds of the register and footsteps followed by the door, signaling that they left. The breath I didn't know I was holding left my lungs, leaving them burning in my chest for lack of oxygen. I blinked, and suddenly Mrs. Stanley was there, wrapping me in her arms.

"Are you okay, dear?" Her voice was sympathetic.

"Yeah. Thanks so much," I smile weakly.

After that I get back to work. I don't see Edward for three weeks.

At first it hurts a lot, not seeing him. But soon that fades, and all that is left is a dull ache in my heart. Sometimes I want to call him after a long day at work and tell him all about what happened, and then I remember I can't call him anymore. I miss him, so much that sometimes I think I'm going crazy. But that's the main feeling, missing him. The feeling of loss. Which makes sense, losing something important in your life requires grieving. That's what I'm doing, while at the same time trying to put him out of my head.

It doesn't help he's on my doorstep three weeks later, wanting to talk to me.

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**Yep, I know. I'm evil. :) **


	15. Chapter 15

**15.**

"What are you doing here?" I ask him after I get my heart to work again.

My eyes land on the t-shirt he's wearing. It's one I bought for him in the right color of grey that makes his eyes stand out even more. I love it on him, always have, and he's aware of this. It makes me wonder if he is wearing that on purpose or not.

"I.. I just think we should sit down and talk." He is being careful, obviously not sure what to say.

"What is there to talk about?"

I don't let him in. I don't want him in my apartment, where I finally got rid of his presence. The pictures of him and me are in a box somewhere. All his stuff was dropped off at his parents' house so nothing of him remains here. And I want to keep it that way. All I have now is memories, and it's all I want. It's all I can accept.

"I feel like I should explain some things." He is now rubbing the back of his neck, a nervous habit I know all too well.

I stand there for a couple of minutes before letting him in against my better judgment. My head keeps telling me not to do this, but my heart is jumping with joy at seeing him, having him this close again.

I just love him that much.

And I guess I do have a couple of questions.


	16. Chapter 16

**16.**

When he enters my living room I see his eyes sweep over the place. His mouth tightens as his eyes fall on places where I used to keep dozens of pictures of the two of us from the past couple of years.

"What did you do with the pictures?"

"Put them away." I don't understand how he can even ask me this. Can't he understand that it's too painful for me to look at pictures of happy times?

I take a deep breath to try and keep my tears at bay. So far, so good.

"Oh." He sounds genuinely disappointed.

Anger fills me instantly, making me snap.

"What, you think I want to look at pictures of the two of us when you broke up with me after seven years together? You think I want to see you smile in pictures that I once treasured? All it does is remind me of how easy it was for you to break up with me! Did you ever really care at all?"

"I did! I did care… I still do." He sounds hurts now, like I'm accusing him of something he didn't do wrong.

"Then why? Why did you break up with me? Why is it so easy for you?"

"It's not, okay? It's not!" Edward exclaims.


	17. Chapter 17

**17.**

I stare at him, disbelieving.

"Sure, it's not easy for you. That's why there was another girl around the town we grew up in, where you know I live and go around, a little over a week after we broke up! Tell me, was she the reason you broke up with me in the first place?"

I don't want to say the last part out loud but it comes out anyway. Although the thought crossed my mind, I like to think I know Edward better than that. But amongst the doubts and confusion is that question, and I don't regret asking it.

Until I see his face.

And then I'm mad at myself. I don't want to feel sorry for hurting him. I shouldn't have any feelings towards him at all. But in the mean time, my heart hurts at seeing him hurt.

I hate feeling like this.

"No, she wasn't the reason. How… How could you think that? How could you think I could do that to you?"

"There were a lot of things I never thought you'd do to me, Edward. One of them was breaking up with me. The other one was showing off another girl in my face nine days after," I say sadly.

I see sadness in Edward's eyes now too. His whole demeanor has changed, as if finally realizing what he's done.

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**Some of you seem to forget this has 70 drabbles. We're only at 17!**


	18. Chapter 18

**18.**

"Bella…" He starts, but I interrupt him.

"Please, no apologies. Don't hurt me more with apologies you don't mean." I'm having more trouble holding the tears back. I turn around and walk to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water, which also gives me a chance to wipe away more traitorous tears, like I have so many times before.

When I get back to the living room, Edward's sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. Hearing my footsteps, he looks up, but doesn't speak.

Taking a deep breath and trying to stay calm and be an adult about this, I voice a question that's been going through my head.

"Why… What made you think you were missing out on life? That you want… more than me?" I choke on the last words.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I simply realized you've been my only girlfriend. You were my first in everything. Everyone else I know has had a lot more experience in that aspect than me, and I feel like I'm missing out." He winces, probably realizing how bad that sounds.

"Gee, thanks." I say dryly. I try to be sarcastic, but even this explanation hurts.

"I love you, I do. And I think I always will. And it's not easy for me either, realizing I can't call you anymore, or hang out with you. I do miss that. But I don't have that right anymore. "

"You certainly don't, you were the one who broke up with me. You can't expect me to stand by and watch you date other girls. I can't, I really can't. This all hurts bad enough."

He smiles sadly. "I understand. I wouldn't be able to handle seeing you out with another guy either."

I nod.

"I guess I'll leave. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call me, okay? I'll… I'll still be here for you," Edward says.

"Thanks," I reply because that's the appropriate thing to say. In the mean time I want to yell and scream and curse him out, but I don't. I simply let him out.

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**A very smart reader pointed out to me that if I stick to this posting schedule, this story will finish on Valentine's day. I didn't know that, but I really, really like that... So it'll stay once a day, because posting a HEA on that day is simply awesome :) **


	19. Chapter 19

**19.**

I'm doing fine, until I turn on the radio. Or play a cd, or listen to my iPod. Pretty much every song reminds me of something Edward and I did.

I can't stand being without music, but I can't stand turning on the radio and hearing Mariah Carey's _We Belong Together_ either. It's a Tuesday night and I'm spending the night at my parents' place again when that song comes on and I just start crying my eyes out. Sobs tear through my body, so loudly that my mother enters my room, obviously worried. When she hears the song that's playing and my emotional state, she takes me into her arms like a little girl and rocks me back and forth until I've calmed down long after the songs have switched to more cheerful ones.

After that, I stay away from music for a while, and I'm back to doing fine.

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**Merry Christmas everyone :-) Hope you all have or had a wonderful day!**


	20. Chapter 20

**20.**

Life goes on. It really does, even if you wonder where the time went because you were lost in your own little world.

I go back to U-Dub to finish my last year there, although I move out of the apartment Edward and I shared near campus. I see Edward around campus every now and then, and after a while I manage to smile and nod at him. He does the same thing. We don't talk or approach each other.

A couple of months after our break up, a really sweet guy that's in several of my classes approaches me and asks me out on a date.

"I don't know, Garrett… I'm really not over Edward yet," I tell him. "I'm not sure if I ever will be."

He nods. "I understand. But just because you still love him, doesn't mean you can't have fun with me." The dimpled grin on his face convinces me to agree.

"Alright… What do you have in mind?" I say.

"Let's go for a traditional dinner and movie, shall we?"

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**Welcome to all new readers! My inbox exploded with all sorts of alerts... Thanks to beegurl13 for recommending this little story of mine :) *hugs***


	21. Chapter 21

**21.**

I'm nervous, not sure what to wear. I haven't felt this nervous since my first couple of dates with Edward.

Edward.

I now don't cry anymore when I think about him. It took a while, but I'm now at the point where I try to focus on the good things of our relationship when I think about him. The laughs, the comfort, the happiness.

It works, most of the time.

But now is not the time to think about him, it's time to focus on the wonderful, handsome man that wants to spend time with me.

I have a good time and four great dates later I agree to be Garrett's girlfriend.


	22. Chapter 22

**22.**

We're kissing, making out really, and I'm having a great time. Garrett's not as good of a kisser as Edward is, but it's still very enjoyable. And after more than 6 months of no touches from anyone but my parents I can honestly say I'm happy to be kissing someone at all..

When his hands start wandering, however, I stop him. I'm not ready for more than kissing with anyone.

I'm amazed at how understanding Garrett is at all times. He's so kind and sweet and thoughtful, exactly the kind of guy every girl wants. I know if I didn't still love Edward with all my heart, I could love Garrett.

But my bruised and battered heart is still Edward's, even if the rest isn't.


	23. Chapter 23

**23.**

"I'm sorry babe, but I have only one chance to find this teacher before Christmas break and I can't let it go, I have to talk to her about my paper." Garrett sounds really guilty, but I understand.

"It's alright, I'll just finish my cup of coffee here and go home to pack and stuff," I tell him.

"Alright then. Will I see you tonight?"

"I don't know yet, I still have to call my mom to ask her what time she needs me to be there. I might leave in a couple of hours."

"Do I get to see you at all before break?"

"Yeah, I will try my hardest. I can't leave without a goodbye kiss!" I answer, smiling. He can be so sweet.

"Great! I'll talk to you later then."

"Yep, talk to you later. Bye."

"Bye."

Right as I put my phone away in my bag, I see the one person I really don't want to see. But right now I don't seem to have a choice considering he's only a few feet away from me, and walking towards me.

Shit.

"Hey," Edward says.

"Hi."

This isn't awkward.

At all.


	24. Chapter 24

**24.**

I notice he's wearing the sweater that I bought for him a couple of years ago, one that really accents his broad shoulders and strong arms. I always used to love seeing him wear that.

And I still do.

Damn it.

Awkward silence surrounds us, and I realize Edward is staring at me, almost like he's checking me out. Then his eyes meet mine. He shakes his head as if to clear it.

Good.

He has no right to look at me that way.

I don't want to be angry over this, but I find myself very bothered. Being raised well by my mother to always be polite, I take a deep breath and push it away.

At least I'm not crying.

"Would you like to sit with me?" I offer hesitantly.

His eyes widen in surprise. "Really?"

_No._

I smile. "Sure."

"Okay!" He sits down with me, almost looking excited now.

Suddenly I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do. Just in case, I text Garrett letting him know who I ran into. As my boyfriend, he has the right to know that I'm with my ex right now. He texts back that he doesn't mind.

Sometimes I can't believe someone so nice and understanding picked me to be his girlfriend.

"Who are you texting?" Edward asks.

I look up, and our eyes lock, it's almost as if we go back in time to the other times he's asked exactly that question in exactly the same curious tone.

However, this time my answer will be different.

"My boyfriend."

Although his face stays neutral, I see something flash in his eyes before it's gone.

"Oh," he says quietly.

* * *

**Did she really...? Oh yes she did.. :) **


	25. Chapter 25

**25.**

"So, what's new with you?" I ask, trying to diffuse the tension that's surrounding us.

"Um, not much actually. I, uh, moved out of our apartment too, two months ago," he says. "I couldn't afford it alone and I couldn't find a new roommate."

"I see," I answer. I knew ahead of time that he couldn't afford it alone, but I figured there'd be tons of people lining up to live with him.

Interesting.

"What about you? Anything new with you?"

"Not really." I don't bring up Garrett again, especially since it's not a topic I want to share with him. Besides I like Garrett too much to drag him into this weird conversation.

Awkward silence follows , until he breaks it again.

"What are you doing for the holidays this year?"

"I'm going home," I answer. "Garrett's sister just had a new baby so he's going home to his family and that kind of screwed up our initial plans of him coming home with me." I mentally kick myself and apologize to Garrett for dragging him into this anyway, pretty much like a shield.

It's obvious from the look on Edward's face that he doesn't like that.

"So… It's serious then, huh?"

"Well, yeah," I say. I leave out that I think he's more serious about it than I am, but I'm still trying every day. It doesn't help that the person I love with all my heart is now sitting across from me, talking to me.

Hearing his voice again brings back so many memories. I'm not sure if I'm happy with this development, but I also don't want to be rude.

However, I think I've been polite long enough. I drink the last sip of my coffee before throwing away the plastic cup in the bin behind me. Then, I stand up.

"I really have to go."

"Oh, okay." Edward's disappointment is more than obvious. "See you around?"

"Sure," I say before hightailing out of there.

* * *

**I want to wish you all a joyful New Year's Eve and I'll see you in 2013 :)**


	26. Chapter 26

**Happy New Year everyone! :D I hope you all have a healthy 2013 filled with love, peace and friendship.**

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**26.**

All the way to my one bedroom apartment I'm yelling at myself internally for being stupid enough to spend time with Edward, even if it was for less than half an hour.

One part of me, however, is dancing, happy and still completely in love with him. I hate that part and try to push it away. It's been months and it should've been gone.

But it's not.

I pack my little suitcase with all the stuff I'm going to need in the upcoming week, pretty much in a daze. I try to shake myself out of it, but it's not easy.

I'm surprised and happy I'm not crying. Although I still love him, being near him doesn't hurt as much anymore. That alone tells me I'll be okay, eventually.


	27. Chapter 27

**27.**

"I'll miss you," Garrett says, giving me another kiss.

I giggle when his lips end up on my nose. "I'll miss you too, silly."

"I know," he grins.

His arms tighten around me, hugging me real tight against his body.

"Are you sure you're okay after seeing Edward? I know that you're still not entirely over him…" He trails off.

I think about it. "Surprisingly, yes I am."

"Good. And we're okay too?"

"Yes, definitely."

"Alright then." Another tight hug follows, and more kisses.

"I gotta go now; I have a plane to catch."

"I know. Say hi to your sister and hug your nephew for me."

"I will."

Finally, he lets go and leaves. I grab my bag, and head out too.

* * *

**Thank you all for your support, it's so great to see so many people enjoying this story!**


	28. Chapter 28

**28.**

On the drive home, I dare to turn on the radio again. I'm not really listening to it, but I just need some noise on the drive home.

Then _Since U Been Gone _comes on, which I've always thought of as a powerful break up song, I sing along even though the lyrics don't apply entirely to me. I know I'm completely off key most of the time, but when it's over I feel empowered and all my sadness is gone. During the rest of the ride home I'm singing along with every song on the radio, cheerful thanks to music for the first time in a long time.

I'm almost home, when I get distracted by seeing a very familiar car enter town. I didn't know Edward was coming home too. He didn't bother telling me that.

Great, now my good mood is gone.


	29. Chapter 29

**29.**

"Bella!" My mom pulls me into a tight hug as soon as I walk up the steps to the house.

"Hey mom," I say into her shoulder.

She pulls back, her hands still on my shoulders and looks at me in that typical way every mother does.

"How are you?" She asks in a very concerned voice.

I smile. "Fine."

And it's true. I feel like it's some kind of breakthrough.

"So, what's the plans for tomorrow?" I ask her.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and it's Swan Family tradition to share this evening with close friends and family, whoever can make it. We take care of the all food, drinks and snacks. They come bearing small gifts and we have a great night watching movies and playing games.

"Well, about that…" She hesitates.

Uh oh. I'm not going to like this.

"What?"

"Well, as you know, the Cullens always come over."

I know where this is going. I'm fucked.

"Yeah," I say anyway.

"Well, Esme called about an hour ago and said that Edward surprised her by coming home. So he'll be here too."

Great. Just fucking great.

* * *

**Good morning my fellow Americans, and hello rest of the world... Hope all of you are having or will have a great day! I'm going back to bed... :) **


	30. Chapter 30

**30.**

"I know, I don't like it either. But I'll deal with it. It'll be alright," I tell Garrett.

He called me right after dinner, telling me he got home safely. He already loves his little nephew, and his sister and parents were so happy to see him.

I immediately feel guilty that he didn't go home for Thanksgiving. He chose to stay with me because I wasn't going home for just two days since I had to work on Saturday. I know he loves his family and missed them a lot. It just shows how sweet he is.

It just makes me wish more that I feel the same way for him.

"I'm not worried about you, not really. I trust you. I just worry about him. I don't trust him at all. I don't think he's over you." Garrett says softly.

I laugh, a hard, sarcastic laugh. "He was the one who broke up with me!"

"I know." He is silent for a moment as if he were listening to someone. Then he comes back, saying, "Anyway, I gotta go. I probably won't be able to call tomorrow, but I'll make sure to text you."

"Alright," I sigh. "Talk to you later."

"Yep, have a good night sweetie."


	31. Chapter 31

**31.**

I know I shouldn't be this nervous. I have no reason to be nervous at all. I really shouldn't worry about what I look like today.

This is what I keep telling myself over and over again as I stand in front of my closet, wondering what to wear.

But the truth is, I wasn't this nervous for my first date with Garrett. And no matter how much I tell myself I shouldn't feel that way, I can't help but have a bouncing heart in my chest and sweaty hands.

I feel like I'm cheating on Garrett just by feeling this way, but I can't help it. And the worst thing is, I know if I'd tell him I feel this way he would tell me it's okay.

In the end I decide on a simple black dress with a pattern of glitter across my chest and black kitten heels. I put my hair in a French braid and wear simple pearl earrings that I know have nothing to do with any memory connected with Edward. Some mascara and I call myself done.

I'm _not_ going to try hard to look good.

* * *

**I can't believe we're only 45 reviews away from 1000. Thank you all so much !**


	32. Chapter 32

**32.**

I'm jittery while waiting for people to arrive. In the mean time I try to stay busy in the kitchen by helping my mother with the food and drinks and everything else that needs done. When people start to arrive my mother, being the perfect hostess she is, has to greet them and get them situated. I stay in the kitchen and finish up on some side dishes.

"Hey," I hear a familiar voice say from behind me.

I turn around for a second. "Hey. You didn't tell me you were coming home too."

"It was a last minute change of plans," he replies.

"I see." My mind is spinning, not sure whether or not those change of plans were because of me. Once, I would've straight out asked him. Now, I don't. It is none of my business.

But oh, how I want to know.

"Need any help?" He asks, like so many times before. It's almost like nothing's changed.

This is getting way too familiar for my comfort.

* * *

**I noticed a lot of you feel sorry for Garrett, but remember, he knew what he was getting into. Bella was clear with him from the start.**


	33. Chapter 33

**33.**

Dinner is great, although awkward at times. Whereas before, I would've sat across from Edward, I made sure to sit on the other side of the table this time, nowhere near Edward and with enough people between us any conversation was virtually impossible.

A couple of times I look over where he sits and see him with either a frown or a frustrated expression on his face. We're both pretty quiet, which my mom notices.

"Is everything alright?" She asks me when there's a moment of silence in the conversation between her and Carlisle.

"Yep, everything's perfect," I answer, smiling as convincingly as I can.

She nods and continues her conversation. I look over to Edward and see he's looking at me, now with a sad expression on his face.

I wonder what's going on.


	34. Chapter 34

**34.**

I see Edward slip out to the back patio shortly after we're done eating dessert. After checking with my mom if she needs my help, I join him.

He looks surprised when he sees me step out into the cold with him.

"What's wrong?" I ask him, surprised at my own directness. It's been a long time since I've been this direct with him.

He sighs, shaking his head. When he doesn't answer, I'm not sure what to do. Do I press? Do I have any right to at all? I wouldn't even call us friends anymore. I decide to let it go.

"Alright," I say, turning around to head back inside.

"It's just… I miss you." I hear him say softly, right as I'm about to walk in. I look at him, not sure what to say to that. He continues.

"I know I have no right to… After all, I was the one to break up with you. I just… I miss talking to you, I miss hanging out with you. You were not just my girlfriend; you were also my best friend. And I miss my best friend."

"I… I don't know what to say," I say honestly. I really don't. I don't know how to feel about this either. A part of me is jumping with joy, telling me to jump into his arms and tell him I miss him too. The bigger part is telling me to stay away to prevent him from hurting me again.

"I guess I just want to be friends with you again."

* * *

**Yes, some of you were right...**


	35. Chapter 35

**35.**

I _really_ don't know what to say to that.

"Friends?"

"Yeah…" He rubs the back of his neck again, clearly uncomfortable. "I know you have a boyfriend, and I would never take that from you. But I miss being friends with you. I want to be your friend again, and I want you to be my friend too…" He mumbled something to himself that I couldn't understand.

"Friends, huh…" I pondered that. "I guess we could try that."

"Really?" The happiness on his face makes it worth it to agree with this.

"Yeah. Let's be friends."

"Bella? Edward?" My mom's voice calls for us.

"Coming!" I yell back at her. Edward and I give each other a smile before heading inside.

* * *

**Many of you didn't want this, but Bella will take Edward any way she can have him.**


	36. Chapter 36

**36.**

After that the evening becomes a lot more fun. Edward and I sit down in the dining room while everyone else is watching _Home Alone_ on TV. We're chatting, catching up and I can't believe how easy this is.

I'm actually feeling happy about this. I knew I miss having Edward as a friend but I really had no idea how wonderful it is to be talking to him again.

We chat about classes, about holiday coffee – he loves pumpkin spice lattes, I'm more of a gingerbread latte fan – and about family. He tells me about Alice, his big sister, who is spending Christmas with her husband Jasper's family, but she'll be home for New Years.

I'm actually excited about that. I haven't seen Alice since the breakup. We normally see each other on holidays and birthdays, but she lives in Texas and it's too far away for us to make the trip every week. I've missed Edward's birthday, and he and his family missed mine.

Finally our parents enter the room. I see my mom give me a look that says, 'We're going to talk about this later' but nothing happens right at that moment. The Cullens are leaving, off to celebrate a little bit of Christmas on their own. Right before we leave, Edward gives me a tight hug.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" He whispers in my ear.

"Sure, we can meet at the diner at one?"

He agrees and leaves. When I see their car disappear, I frown.

Why does it feel like we've set a date?


	37. Chapter 37

**37.**

I go upstairs to my room and do what any good girlfriend _should_ do after hanging out with her ex-boyfriend on Christmas, I call Garrett.

It rings a couple of times, and I almost think he's not going to pick up when he does.

"Bella!" He sounds breathless. I hear laughter in the background. "I'm sorry, my sister grabbed the phone from me."

I smile. "It's okay. How are you?"

"Good! I can't believe…" He starts, rattling off about how smart and strong his nephew is. I don't really listen, actually kind of impatient to tell him what went on today. He needs to know.

"Garrett?" I hear in the background.

"Oh. I'm sorry baby but I have to go. Talk to you later!" Before I can even reply, he hangs up.

I stare at the phone in disbelief for a solid five minutes, wondering what just happened.


	38. Chapter 38

**38.**

I'm so engrossed in the book I'm reading that I don't notice Edward sliding into the corner booth I picked. I do, however, feel his arm against mine and his breath in my neck when he slides against me to read along.

"What are you doing?" I gasp, startled. I immediately slide away from him, liking too much how his body feels against mine. It's like my body remembers exactly all the times we were together, our bodies sweaty and sliding together and our breaths panting…

I shake my head, trying to get rid of the thoughts that enter my mind.

"You didn't even hear me so I figured I'd find out what world you lost yourself in." He's smiling although I see a flash of disappointment in his eyes for a second. I ignore it.

"Oh. It's just some reading for school," I tell him. I put the book in my bag and look back up.

We're silent for a moment, neither of sure where to start. The waitress then walks up to take our order.

"Do you still like the same things?" He asks me. I shrug, but when he orders I know he still remembers because he orders my favorite mushroom burger and coffee.

After that, things are easy.


	39. Chapter 39

**39.**

Edward's in the middle of telling me a story about Alice's most recent wedding shopping mishap –buying five dresses, all the wrong size – when my phone rings. At first, I try to ignore it but Edward's uncertain looks at my phone buzzing on the table make me pick it up. I don't bother looking at the caller ID, expecting my parents to call me and ask me where I'm at and when I'm going to be home.

"Hello?"

"Hey baby!" An enthusiastic voice reaches me.

"Garrett," I realize. Edward smiles weakly and nods.

"How are you doing?" _Now_ he asks.

"Good. Just sitting here at the diner having lunch."

"Oh! Did your parents take you out?" I knew he was going to ask who I'm with.

"No, actually I'm here with Edward," I tell him.


	40. Chapter 40

**40.**

As I look over, I see Edward's eyes widen. He shakes his head slightly as if I wasn't supposed to say that. I shrug.

Honesty is important to me so I'm not going to hide who I'm with. I probably wouldn't have told him if he hadn't asked because leaving out something isn't exactly the same as lying. It's almost as bad, but it wouldn't have made me feel as bad.

I can almost feel Garrett's alarm, it's really obvious in his voice. "Edward? He's there? What's he doing there?"

"He came home to celebrate Christmas with his family, of course," I tell him. I leave out that I think he came home because he found out I came here, but I'm also pretty sure Garrett can figure that out for himself.

"Did he now?"He doesn't sound very surprised. "I see… So, how did you end up at the diner with him? Did you guys run into each other?" All valid questions a boyfriend should be allowed to ask when his girlfriend is out with her ex-boyfriend.

"Excuse me," I say to Edward while I get up. He nods, continuing to eat his food.

It's time for a bit of a confrontation.

* * *

**Uh oh? Or not?**


	41. Chapter 41

**41.**

"What's going on, Bella?" Garrett asks just as I step outside of the diner. He doesn't sound mad, not really. I think he's more nervous than anything.

"Nothing," I tell him.

"Then why are you out with your ex-boyfriend? Why is he really there?"

I sigh. "I don't know what to tell you, Garrett. I didn't find out he was going to be here until I got home. Dinner was really awkward yesterday, but we had a little talk after we were done eating and decided to try and be friends."

"Friends? You think you can be friends with the ex-boyfriend you still have feelings for?" He sounds incredulous.

Of course he knows.

"I'm with you," I tell him. "You, and only you. I might still have feelings for him, but he made it clear he didn't want me anymore. I was with him for almost seven years, it's hard to get rid of those feelings, especially when he's still everywhere in my life."

"But then why do you want to be friends with him when that only makes it worse?" He sounds sad now. I wish we were having this conversation in person so I could give him a kiss and a hug to make him feel better.

"Because I miss him," I admit. "Not in the way you might think. He was my best friend, the person who knew me better than anyone and who I could always talk to about anything before anyone else. I miss that kind of friend that you can only get from years of history together."

"I want to be that kind of friend for you," Garrett says.

I smile. "That's very sweet of you, but we haven't been dating for that long yet. It'll be a while before you'll know me like he does."

"I know," He replies. He sounds sweet now, like he's smiling but I detect a sad note to it too. "I hope I get the chance."

* * *

**So... Truth or denial?**


	42. Chapter 42

**42.**

"Everything okay?" Edward asks as I slide back into the booth.

"Sure," I say, even though I'm not entirely sure. But I'm okay with not being entirely sure, because I'm sure enough.

"Is he… Is he okay with us being friends?"

"Well… Yes, and no. He's worried, naturally, but won't tell me what I can and can't do, he's not that kind of person." I smile at that.

"He sounds like he's good to you."

"He is," I confirm without hesitation. "He's a wonderful guy."

"Good, as long as he takes care of you I won't have to kick his ass." He sounds like he's joking, but there's seriousness in his demeanor that I can't underestimate. I know him and have learned to read his body language more than his words, and I know he means it. If Garrett would ever hurt me, I have no doubt Edward wouldn't hesitate to kick his ass.

If someone would have told me a year ago I would be sitting here having this conversation with Edward, I'd have laughed in their face and told them it's ridiculous.

But now it's reality.

Reality sucks.


	43. Chapter 43

**43.**

"So, what's up between you and Edward?" My mom asks the night before I return to college. I'm packing my bag so I can leave early. I've managed to avoid her for the rest of the couple of days I was home because I knew this interrogation would come.

"Nothing," I tell her.

"Then why have you been hanging out with him? Are you getting back together?"

I sigh and roll my eyes. I get that she's only concerned, but right now I feel really like a teenager that doesn't want to talk about sex.

"No, we're not getting back together. We're… trying to be friends."

"Esme told me he's smiling again. Apparently he hadn't been smiling as much before."

"I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with me," I tell her.

"I think you're wrong," she says firmly. "If you choose to live in denial, go ahead. But let me tell you, he still has feelings for you."

"He was the one to break up with me, mom. I highly doubt you're right."

"You're taken now, honey. Garrett is a wonderful young man who treats you right, and Edward can now see what he let go of now that another man has it."

"Whatever," I say, shrugging. "It doesn't matter."

"Doesn't it, though?" She asks in that all-knowing way of hers.

"No. I'm with Garrett, not Edward. Edward and I are not getting back together. Now can we please talk about something else?"

We chat a little bit longer about my classes before I wish her goodnight and get ready for bed.


	44. Chapter 44

**44.**

Back on campus, I feel a little lost.

I know Garrett came back last night, but I decide against calling him and inviting him over. For some reason I just need some space. Instead, I decide to walk towards my favorite coffee shop to get a cup of coffee. Maybe I can sit there and relax, clear my mind and figure out what is going on.

Of course some cosmic plan intervenes, and I run into Edward.

"Hey!" He grins at me when he sees me.

"What are you doing here?" By now I know he's aware that I live exactly two blocks away.

"I just stopped here for coffee before heading back to my dorm."

"I see," I say, already having forgotten where he is living now.

"Bella?" I turn around, and there's Garrett.

_I just can't catch a break._

"Hey," I say with a smile on my face. I walk over to him and put my arms around him. I feel his lip press against my head.

"What's he doing here with you?" He whispers in my ear. I shake my head as an answer, silently telling him _not now._

Edward's orders his coffee and is about to leave by the time I get to order mine.

"See you later, Bella." He waves at me and is out the door before I can reply.

I sigh and shake my head. I really didn't want my life to get this complicated.


	45. Chapter 45

**45.**

"I don't really want to ask this," Garrett says. "But I need to know. Are you still _in love _with Edward?"

I open my mouth to speak to deny it, but I don't want to lie and I don't want to underestimate the situation either. This is a serious situation and deserves honesty.

So I think about it.

Do I still have feelings for him? I think about it for not even five seconds before I know the answer.

"It's not… easy getting rid of those feelings. I was with him for almost seven years," I say, feeling like I've said this too many times before. "I still love him. And I'm pretty sure a part of me always will. That doesn't mean, however, that I still want to be with him."

"You're sure of that?" He asks.

I nod. "Now, can we stop repeating this conversation?"

"Yeah." He smiles. "I just… I guess I feel a little insecure now with him back in your life. Knowing you still have feelings for him is one thing. It's logical and acceptable. But for him to be back in your life, even as your friend… I just don't know if that's going to go well. I… I don't want either of us to get hurt, that's all."

"I don't want that either."

I don't say what's going through my mind. I don't want to admit out loud that I'm pretty sure one of us will get hurt again, although I'm not entirely sure which one of us.


	46. Chapter 46

**46.**

It's a Friday night late January and there's a party going on at Garrett's place. He wanted it to be at my apartment because it's closer to campus and the dorms, but I refused. Although he was a little upset with me in the beginning, I stood my ground and he ended up giving in.

I'm surprised when I get there to see Edward's strange color of hair amongst all the people talking and laughing before I even find Garrett. I don't greet him but instead go look for my boyfriend.

I find Garrett in the kitchen, throwing some chips in bowls to carry into the living room.

"Hey," I say to get his attention. He turns around with a smile and walks over to me.

"Hey babe! Glad you're here!" I can smell the alcohol on his breath, making me frown.

Garrett's not usually a drinker. Having an alcoholic dad caused him to swear off alcohol. He might drink a little bit every now and then, but it's rare.

Seeing him like this is more than just unsettling.

"What's going on?" I say softly.

"Nothing! I'm just having some fun!"

I shake my head and leave him be. Pretty sure he's just relieving some stress.

* * *

**Starting today for the next 10 days or so updates won't be around the same time anymore, instead they'll be whenever I get to it. I will make sure to still update every day but I'm going to have a friend from back home here so I won't be around much. All reviews will still be read and appreciated though!**


	47. Chapter 47

**47.**

The party is no fun.

Seeing Garrett drunk is more upsetting than anything really. Edward trying to talk to me while I'm trying to keep my distance – for all of our sakes – isn't making anything easier.

I keep my eye on Garrett all night. He's laughing and looks happy, joking around with a lot of people.

But not with me.

Except for the initial greeting, he hasn't said even one word to me. I'm surprised by how much that hurts.

Finally, after two and a half hours of waiting around for fun, I decide to go home. I look for Garrett and find him in the corner talking with some blonde girl, sitting a bit closer to her than I like. Then she grabs a pen from wherever, writing something down on the hand Garrett is holding out for her.

This isn't the Garrett I know. It freaks me out.

I leave without saying bye to anyone.


	48. Chapter 48

**48.**

I am just hanging up my coat back in my apartment when my phone buzzes with a text.

**Where did you go? – E**

My heart skips a beat at the thought of Edward being worried about me. But I'm also disappointed it isn't Garrett. He is supposed to be my boyfriend, not Edward.

**Home. – B**

**Why?- E**

I debate for a second on what to type. Perhaps I should say, 'because you were there.' But that'd be a lie. Talking to Edward, although briefly, was the best part of the night. I decide to go for honesty.

**Because I wasn't having fun. – B**

**Oh. You could've said bye to me. –E**

**After seeing Garrett talking intimately with a beautiful blonde in the corner of his living room, I really didn't feel like saying bye to anyone. – B**

I didn't want to type that, but I'm so angry and hurt. Before I know it, I sent it.

**I'm sorry, Bella. –E**

**For what? – B**

I don't get an answer. When I go to bed I shut off my phone.


	49. Chapter 49

**49.**

When I wake up and turn my phone back on, I have three missed calls and seven missed texts from Garrett.

I don't call him back, and don't read the texts. I turn my phone back off.

Although he hasn't really done anything wrong – he was only talking to her, not kissing her or worse - , I still feel betrayed. He didn't talk to me at all but he had time to chat to a strange girl that I didn't even know.

I knew it definitely couldn't be his sister. He has only one and she's five years older than him. I've seen pictures. It wasn't her.

I leave my apartment early with my laptop and books packed; avoiding all the spots I could be found. I head to an off-campus library where I can still work on my papers in peace without being bothered.

I sit there for several hours, working on two papers and finally finishing one a week before the deadline. I only have to finish up and edit the other one and add my references, having done most of the work already. I pack up my laptop and my other stuff and head back home.

When I get there I see it's a good idea I wasn't home earlier. There's a note stuck on my door from Garrett.

_Where are you? Why aren't you returning my calls or text me back? Please do when you see this. G._

I shake my head, but turn my phone on to call him back anyways.


	50. Chapter 50

**50.**

Some part of me is preparing myself for what's going to come next while I dial Garrett's phone number.

I have my mind made up.

"Bella?" He greets me when he picks up on the second ring, his voice sounding anxious.

"Hey," I reply.

"Where did you go yesterday? I know I let you out of my sight for maybe ten minutes and then you were gone! Why didn't you pick up the phone or call me back? You had me worried."

For a couple of seconds I'm stunned.

"Ten minutes, huh?" I snap at him. "So you not talking to me for over two and a half hours is called ten minutes?"

"Was it really that long?" He asks, sounding surprised.

"Yes. And then when I decided to go, I went and looked for you and found you in a corner talking intimately with some blonde bimbo."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh." I sigh.

"I'm sorry, Bella." He sounds sorry, but it doesn't help.

"Me too, Garrett. Did you get her phone number?"

"How did you know that?" Now he sounds a little scared.

"I saw her look for a pen and you holding out your hand. It didn't take much to guess that. I hope she'll make you happy, Garrett." Sadness hits me.

"Bella?" His voice now sounds alarmed, panicked almost. "You know I was drunk and-"

"Goodbye, Garrett." And I hang up.

* * *

**For those of you who think Edward set it all up: No, he didn't. This is all on Garrett.**

**20 days until Valentine's day! **


	51. Chapter 51

**51.**

I'm not as hurt by this as I thought I would be. I was never truly in love with Garrett, he was easy and comfortable, but I never loved him.

Now I'm happy I never slept with him. Although he wanted to, and asked for it, I was never ready with him. At one point he asked if I was a virgin, to which I told him I was together with Edward for almost seven years, did he really think I would be?

He laughed at that. What I didn't tell him was that it took us almost four years to get to that point. As old fashioned as both Edward and I were raised, we both wanted to hold out until marriage. Eventually we gave in anyway, going against what we both believed in, our hormones and lust for each other overwhelming us.

That same old-fashioned belief hit me twice as strong with Garrett. Considering Edward wanted more than me, I must suck in bed or else he wouldn't have felt like that. I didn't want to chase Garrett away, so I held off.

I'm glad that's a regret I don't have.


	52. Chapter 52

**52.**

Edward and I hang out quite a bit over the next two weeks. I get more calls and texts from Garrett, but I ignore every single one of them. I delete his texts and voicemails without reading or listening to them.

I feel sad about losing a friend, but I know it really is for the best.

Hanging out with Edward again is more than just weird, and not because it's uncomfortable, it's because it isn't.

We do a lot of stuff couples would do, which only confuses me late at night when I'm in bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering what Edward wants from me. While it's happening, it's wonderful and fun, it reminds me of my teenage years back when we first got to know each other. But afterwards I'm left feeling lost.

That's what it feels like most of the time; like we're back to the old days when we were best friends and more except that this time, I have no idea where we stand.

Instead of insisting on putting a label on what's going on, I decide to enjoy the time I have with someone I still love and am in love with it.

I only hope I don't fall deeper again, right as I was starting to move past it all.


	53. Chapter 53

**53.**

I am doing some reading for my coursework when someone knocks on my door. I frown, putting my book down, wondering who it could be. Everyone I know would call before coming over.

Perhaps it's someone who's lost.

I open the door without looking through the peephole and immediately regret it when I see who it is.

"Bella, please let me in. I want to talk to you."

"Garrett, I don't want to talk to _you._ That should've been obvious when I never answered your calls or texted you back. There's nothing to say."

"You're wrong there, Bella. There's so much I need to say, should've said before." He pushes inside, right past me before I can block him. Then he turns around.

"I love you, Bella. I should've told you that months ago but I was afraid I'd scare you away."

I'm shaking my head while he's speaking. "Garrett," is all I can say. I scramble to get my thoughts together. "I can't return that statement. I wasn't able before and I'm not able now. I won't be able to either."

"I'm willing to wait, Bella, please-"

He gets interrupted by my phone ringing. Saved by my phone.


	54. Chapter 54

**54.**

The phone call, however, is not good at all.

"Hello?" I say without looking at the caller ID.

"Bella, it's me." Edward voice hardly sounds like him at all – he sounds seriously distressed.

"What's going on?" Alarm floods through me.

"It's Alice… She was in a car accident, a drunk driver hit them…" A sob escapes him.

"Oh no," I breathe. "What can I do?"

"I need to get to Texas tonight… And… Please… I'd like for you to come with me. I need you. " He's begging me.

I don't hesitate for a second. "I'll be over at your place in thirty minutes, you arrange my ticket."

We hang up. It's only then that I remember Garrett is right here.

"Who was it?"

"That's none of your business!" I snap at him. I don't mean to but I'm really worried about Alice and Edward and the rest of the family.

They still feel like my family too, even after all this time.

"It was Edward, wasn't it?"

I don't bother denying it. "Yes."

"And as always, you're jumping through hoops for him. You're just a stupid sheep, doing exactly what he says when he says." He sounds more disappointed than anything.

I look up now, irritated and surprised at the same time.

I didn't think he was this bitter about Edward.

"Garrett, please go." I grab my little suitcase and start throwing in socks, underwear, jeans and sweatshirts before heading to my bathroom to grab toiletries.

"No. And you shouldn't go either, just because he asks you to."

"His sister was hit by a drunk driver and is in the hospital. For years, they were my family too. They still are. I have to go." I throw more stuff in my suitcase, including my laptop, phone and chargers. I'll go through it all later.

"No, you don't. He broke up with you. They're not family anymore. You don't have to do anything."

I look up again with tears in my eyes. "Yes, I do. He needs me."

"He doesn't need _you_, he needs anyone that'll be there to support him right now."

"And I'm one of them, and always will be." I say firmly. "I love him. And I always will. Whether we're together or not, that won't change."

I zip up my suitcase, grab my jacket and purse and open the door so Garrett can leave too.

He does without looking back. I turn and walk the other way.


	55. Chapter 55

**55.**

When I get to Edward's place, he opens the door immediately, pulling me into his arms and buries his head in my shoulder. If I would really think about this, I'm sure this would be incredibly awkward but it's not because I don't think. I'm just there for him, supporting him and helping him with whatever he needs, just like before.

"What happened?" I whisper while Edward soaks my shoulder with tears without making a sound.

"A drunk driver was texting and hit the car she was in. Jasper got worried when she didn't get home from a night out with some girls from work and called the police. They told him she's in the hospital." He looks up with red, swollen eyes. "Bella… She's twelve weeks pregnant."

"Oh!" I say, shocked. "Oh my…" Tears fill my own eyes when I hear that news, partially out of happiness for Alice who's wanted to be a mom for so long, partially out of fear and sadness.

We both wipe our tears away. I look at his bed, which has an open suitcase on it. Stuff is randomly thrown in, pretty much like I did.

"Did you pack all you'll need?" Edward nods at that. "We need to get to the airport, I got us two seats on a flight in four hours. We need get in within the next hour so we have enough time."

I nod, and we hurry on our way.


	56. Chapter 56

**56.**

We make it to the airport in time, and make sure to get some decent coffee before getting on the plane.

The flight isn't very long, but it seems to last a lot longer than normal. Neither Edward nor I speak much, both lost in thought and sick with worry.

When we're getting ready to land, I finally have the courage to ask him the questions that have been going through my mind for the last several hours.

"Why did you call me? And what will they say?"

"My family won't say a thing. You're part of our family, you know that and they know that."

"I didn't think I was anymore after you broke up with me," I say sadly.

"Of course you are, silly. They see you as their own daughter. Sometimes I even think they love you more than me." He sighs. "Every time mom's called she asked about you and how you were doing, and called me stupid for ever letting you go."

I smile. "I miss them."

"And they miss you too. And… And so do I."

* * *

**Hmmmm...**


	57. Chapter 57

**57.**

_"And they miss you too. And… And so do I."_

I stare at him, shocked. Did he really just say that?

"W-what?"

Before he can reply, however, the captain tells us to fasten our seatbelts and get ready for landing. We don't speak a word anymore. I'm reeling, surprised at his words.

_He misses me._

How?

We hang out quite a bit. Or at least, we have been lately. How can he miss me when he talks to me every day?

_Maybe he misses you being his girlfriend._

I immediately get rid of that thought. It'll get me nowhere. He told me himself he didn't want me anymore. _He wanted more than me._ Surely he didn't suddenly change his mind. Once you're not good enough, you're never good enough.

Right?

We get a taxi without speaking too. Unlike before, this feels awkward. His words are hanging between us. I'm sure the tension between us is thick enough to cut it with a knife.

Finally we get to the hospital. After finding out where Alice is we head towards her room. Before entering, however, I find the nearest restroom.

I need a moment to myself.


	58. Chapter 58

**58.**

After splashing some water into my face, I feel better. I can breathe again, my chest feeling lighter and my thoughts clearer.

When I exit I see Edward leaning against the wall right across from me.

"I thought I'd wait for you." He smiles at me in an almost sad way, the worry clear on his face. "You have nothing to worry about where my family is concerned. I'm sure they'll be happy to see you again."

And he's right. As soon as we enter Alice's room Esme gasps and heads over to me to pull me into a tight hug.

"Bella! I'm so glad you're here."

"Yeah." I sigh. "Me too. How is she doing?"

"They put her in this room about an hour ago. She has two broken ribs, a broken leg and a concussion. She's sleeping now."

"And… And the baby?" Edward asks.

"The baby is fine," answers Carlisle from behind me in the doorway. He hands Esme a plastic cup. "Here's your coffee, sweetheart." She thanks him with a peck on the cheek. He wraps one arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer against him.

"Now what do we do?" Edward's voice trembles.

"We wait."


	59. Chapter 59

**59.**

We all wait, all of us still worried despite the reassurances of several nurses and two doctors. Edward and I are sitting in the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room while Esme and Carlisle are in her room. Shortly after Edward and I got there a nurse came in and told us only two visitors were allowed at the same time. I immediately offered to step out considering I'm not technically family.

An hour passes. Two. Finally Esme and Carlisle come out.

"Where are you staying?" Carlisle asks us.

"Oh… I hadn't even thought of that…" Edward shakes his head. "I was only worried about getting here."

"We have a hotel room booked right down the street from here, but Jasper just texted us and said they have a guest room available."

"Why isn't he here?" I ask, blushing because really it's not any of my business. But Alice has always been like a sister to me and I'm just worried about her.

"He had to go home and change clothes. He is on his way here. We're leaving so we can get some rest, we'll be back in a couple of hours. Why don't you take our hotel room and do the same?"

Edward agrees, and before I know it we're walking down the street to the hotel to share a room with my ex-boyfriend who I'm still very much in love with.

This is going to end well.

Not.


	60. Chapter 60

**60.**

Shortly after we enter the room it's obvious immediately that there's only one bed. Even though it's a King size bed, the thought of sharing it with Edward makes me uncomfortable. We've done it many times before, but that was as a couple.

_Which we're not anymore_, I remind myself.

"I'll take the couch," Edward offers immediately, pointing towards the small couch in front of the TV in the little corner obviously meant to be a living room.

There's no away he'll fit on that. But I'm small enough that I can.

I shake my head and tell him that.

"Well, yeah, but I'd feel bad sleeping in that big comfortable bed knowing you're here on the couch."

"Same goes for me," I reply. "I'd feel bad knowing you're on this couch that's too small for you to lay on even if you curl up into yourself."

He thinks about it for a moment, and then sighs. "I wish… I wish we could just share the bed."

"No," I say immediately. "You know why not."

"No, actually I don't know. Please explain why we could share one when we were younger, even before we were a couple, and we can't do the same thing right now."

"You know why, damn it!" I yell, my voice cracking at the end. I try to hold back my tears and take a couple of deep breaths to try and calm myself down. This isn't the time and place.

He sighs again, looking down at his shoes. He's the picture of defeat. "I guess I do." He looks up with sorrowful eyes. "I really am sorry about that. I really shouldn't have-"

"No," I interrupt him. "You don't get to do this right now. Or ever. You broke my heart because you wanted more than me!"

"I never said-"

"That's _exactly_ what you said," I say in my calmest voice. "I remember it very clearly, and I always will."

Awkward silence fills the room again.

_Great. Just great._

* * *

**I might be persuaded to post another one late tonight... just saying... :-) **


	61. Chapter 61

**You guys amaze me. You got me to 2100 reviews! More than 85 people reviewed, that definitely means I'm updating early. I hope this chapter satisfies most of you. I know it won't make everyone happy but it's the way it was intended from the start.**

* * *

**61.**

We're still standing awkwardly in the hotel room, not sure what to do next. Silence surrounds us, my heart beating wildly in my chest. I keep breathing deeply, holding back the tears threatening to escape once again. I wish I didn't love him so much still, or I wouldn't have been here, feeling this much. Love. Pain. Anger. Disappointment. Hurt.

"There… There were some guys talking in the locker room one day at the gym," Edward starts, his voice sad and vulnerable. "They were talking about their weekends in the previous couple of weeks, how they went out to party and had sex with several girls and they were comparing them to each other in skills from blow jobs to everything else."

He has my attention, and he knows it. He takes a deep breath and continues.

"They were laughing and obviously had a lot of fun not only discussing it all for everyone to hear, but also during their weekends. They… If they were girls, they would've been labeled as sluts. Obviously, being a guy sleeping around is an accomplishment. And I never had that."

The last pieces of the puzzle of our break up slides into place, making me see the whole picture.

"I just… I wanted that experience too." He winces. "I know that sounds horrible, but I'd only ever been with you. You were my only girlfriend; my only love. The only one I'd ever had sex with. And don't get me wrong, you're really good at it," he laughs. "But I still wanted more experience. I was… I was embarrassed about having none, especially when they asked me about it. They were complete strangers, and I shouldn't have wanted to impress them, but they were always there at the gym, I saw them every time I went and… I wanted to be included in their little group. I made a rash decision, not thinking anything through at all. Not about how much I would hurt you, not how much I would hurt _me._ I didn't think about the future."

I still can't speak, my throat closed up with emotion.

This is the explanation I wanted for so long.

"I still couldn't do it," he laughs humorlessly, pacing around. "I couldn't sleep around. I'm not that kind of guy. It's not for me to jump into bed with someone I'd only just met, as nice and hot as they might be. I can't do it. Sex is and always has been attached to emotions, to love, and to you. And I can't… I won't ever love anyone but you. You're perfect. Kind, sweet and entirely too selfless. That girl you saw me with at the diner? She actually slapped me when I confessed what I did. I didn't tell her until she questioned me after the diner. Then after that, there really wasn't anyone I could even try anything with. All I could think about was you and how much I love you and how much I screwed up. For what it's worth, I'm really sorry. I really can say I wasn't thinking, and what I said to you was more than unfair. It was awful." He takes a deep shuddering breath, holding back tears.

I can't hold back my tears anymore. I'm crying, sobbing really as I now hear the real story. It hurts to hear, hurts so much to be thrown back in time to when he said those hurtful words to me. I know when he's absolutely honest, and I have no doubt he is honest with me right now.

"I'm an asshole. The worst kind of person and I really don't understand how you could even be friends with me. Of course, I'm selfish so I had to try but I never expected you to say yes. And then my own stupidity, pretending that I didn't need you, didn't love you, didn't miss you… That you're not the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with… It caused me to lose you." He shakes his head.. "I'll never forgive myself for that."

"I will."

* * *

**Remember, it takes more strength to forgive and move on than to hold on to anger and everything else.**


	62. Chapter 62

**I've decided to continue my original posting schedule, but now there will simply be a day's wait for the last chapter. That will still post on Valentine's Day.**

**I'm glad so many people finally understood what happened and why. Some still think he's an idiot. Can't say I disagree, but he's a human, and a guy at that. They do stupid things.**

* * *

**62.**

He looks up, completely shocked.

"What did you say?"

"I said, I will," I repeat softly, still wiping tears away that keep coming. "I … You hurt me really bad. Broke my heart; shattered it really. But…" I hiccup and laugh. "I still love you. I'm still _in love_ with you. And I know no matter what, I'll never be as happy with anyone else as I can be with you. You're it for me… You're my lobster," I say, referring to Friends with a small smile on my face.

He laughs with tears in his own eyes. "You're… You're serious?"

"I wish I wasn't," I tell him honestly. "After the way you hurt me, I wish I wasn't still completely in love with you. That I hated you, that I could ignore you and not have you in my life at all. But I can't. I love you. And I always will, no matter what. That doesn't mean I trust you immediately or that I will forget what happened. It will most likely take some time. But I want to be with you, hopefully for the rest of my life this time."

He stands there, staring at me for the longest time.

"You mean that?"

"What?"

"That you still love me."

"Yeah." I sigh.

He's across the room within seconds, right in front of me. His fingertips are at my chin, lifting it up so I can look deeply into his beautiful green eyes.

"I love you too."


	63. Chapter 63

**63.**

I tear up again, this time not out of sadness or hurt, but happiness. I never thought I'd hear those words again, not coming from him, not in that tone of voice that tells me he's in awe with me.

"Edward…" I whisper, overcome with emotion.

"Shhh." Edward smiles, putting two fingers on my lips to silence me. Completely lost in this feeling, I kiss them softly. His eyes widen before he closes them. Then he leans in, and his lips touch mine softly.

I'm not prepared for my response. Before I realize what's going on, my body is pressed against him, my arms around his neck and my lips pressing against his eagerly, softly sucking and nibbling on them while trying not to run out of breath. Similarly, his arms are around my shoulders and waist, holding me tightly against him, meeting my lips with the same eagerness.

We kiss and kiss, gasping for breath and moaning at how good it feels.

Then he leads me to the bed, laying me down on it before crawling on top of me. Although it might be a bad idea, we both need this to reconnect. We'll work everything out later.

* * *

**Good idea? Probably not...**


	64. Chapter 64

**Both 64 and 65 are entirely new, so any mistakes in it are mine. I wasn't happy with them so I re-wrote them a couple weeks after my pre-reader went over them.**

* * *

**64.**

When I feel Edward's body press against mine, his hand moving to my breast, I pull away and look at him, frowning. He opens his eyes to look at me and then drops his head.

"What?" He asks breathlessly, his head pressed against my shoulder.

"I… I don't think we're ready for this." I say. "I mean… Don't get me wrong, I've missed you _so much _and sex right now would be great but there's so much we have to talk about, and I'm not sure if doing this is… the right thing."

He shifts and I feel his problem against my thigh. "You couldn't have decided that a little earlier?"

I sigh and smile. "I liked it too. But I really think it's for the best if we would just… talk for now."

I feel him nod against my shoulder.

"You're right… So I can't kiss you either?" He sounds disappointed.

"Well, yeah. But let's just stick to that for now okay? And we do really need to talk more than anything."

We both sit up. Although I try not to I watch as he adjusts himself, making me feel sorry for him.

"Maybe… we could take care of each other, and not go all the way?" I propose, knowing it's been a long time for both of us. I realize my mind is jumping all over the place, not sure if anything is right anymore. But I feel this would be the right thing to do for now.

"Are you sure? Because I know I'm thinking with the wrong head here and will jump on that offer." He grins.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Before I know it I'm back on the bed, his hand undoing my pants.


	65. Chapter 65

**65.**

We take it slow, really slow, simply kissing each other and feeling each other's naked bodies for a while. We're in no hurry. Our lips stay connected the entire time, our hands bringing each other pleasure and comfort.

We curl up naked afterwards, doing what we used to do best; talk in bed. Somehow our best communication was always in the dark when we couldn't see each other, but still had the comfort of each other right there. And it works again.

We talk about a lot of things, though not nearly enough and we should talk in a lot more depth but for now this will do. I tell him with more details what our break up did to me and how much the words he used hurt me, tell him how I felt when he came into the diner with that girl. I tell him about trying to move on and not be sad anymore. I even tell him about Garrett. In return, he tells me how our break up made him feel. In the beginning, he was happy it all went so easy. But very quickly he realized what a mistake he made. The girl, Lisa, was just a distraction. Secretly he wished she was me. But he didn't know how to approach me, especially not after my dad came to him and threatened him, if he ever came close to me again my dad would've hurt him in ways he doesn't dare repeat to me. It took him a while to get the courage to try again, but he also didn't want to interfere with me moving on. He felt that since he screwed up, at least I deserved a chance of happiness. He would've waited for me.

Then we're silent for a while, both of us overwhelmed and sleepy.

We fall asleep curled up around each other, holding on as if afraid the other will disappear.


	66. Chapter 66

**66.**

The next morning I wake up from the alarm of one of our phones – I don't remember who of us ended up setting it – with Edward still wrapped around me, his arm around my waist and a leg over mine. My hand is clutching his, holding on so tightly my fingers are cramped.

Edward finally starts to stir behind me after a minute of the alarm going off. He pulls away, taking all the warmth with him when he reaches behind him to shut off the alarm. Then he rolls back my way and groans as buries his face into my back, holding me tightly to him.

I know when the realization there's someone in bed with him – more specifically, me – hits him since his whole body stiffens. He lets go of me immediately, sitting up and groaning.

I sit up too, running my hand through the mess that is my hair. We sit in silence for several minutes.

"Do… do you regret it?" Edward asks finally.

"No," I reply without thinking. And it's true. I don't. "Do you?"

"No," he replies just as fast.

"I'm gonna go shower," I say, getting up and grabbing one of the towels on the small dresser.

Edward says nothing.

* * *

**Morning after awkwardness... Have you ever been there?**


	67. Chapter 67

**If you missed 66 because of being goofy, please go back and read it first :-) **

* * *

**67.**

The shower really wakes me up. It clears my mind and cleans my body, which is exactly what it needed to do.

When I walk out of the bathroom, dressed and all, Edward is still sitting in the same position, exactly as he was.

"Edward…" I say, hesitating.

"I'll go shower now." He jumps up quickly and disappears faster than I can reply.

_So much for no awkwardness_. I hoped we would be past that now. Apparently not.

I sit down on the bed, unsure of what to do. I've never had to deal with the awkward morning after before. The first time Edward and I had sex, we woke up and did it again, in spite of my soreness. After that, things never got awkward either. It was always natural.

I guess that's not true anymore.

Then I feel lips on my head, his nose buried in my hair.

"I'm sorry for making this awkward. I'm just scared," he whispers.

"I'm scared too," I admit to him, looking him straight in the eye. "I'm scared you'll get the same urge to explore life, the same feeling that made you tell me you wanted more than me… I'm scared you'll hurt me like that again."

"That, you should never be afraid of. _Doubt thou the stars are fire; doubt that the sun doth move; doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love._"

"Hamlet," I whisper with tears in his eyes.

"I'll probably fuck up again," he says. "And perhaps, so will you. We're human. We make mistakes. But as long as we love each other, we'll be alright. We'll make it work."


	68. Chapter 68

**68.**

His parents smile at us when they see us walk up to them hand in hand. Even better, Alice starts crying when she sees it too.

Apparently she woke up very early in the morning, long before our alarm went off. The doctors are keeping her in the hospital for another week before she's allowed to go home. The only reason they let this happen was because Carlisle and Esme decided to stay for a couple of weeks while Alice is healing so she doesn't have to worry about anything.

Jasper hugs me tight and tells me he hasn't seen Edward this happy in months and that he's happy we're back together.

Seeing as we're not needed anymore and we know Alice is alright, and we have classes to attend and papers to hand in, we have to head back to Washington.


	69. Chapter 69

**69.**

A couple of weeks later Edward and I are walking from my apartment to get some coffee when we run into Garrett. One look on our joined hands and his initial smile falls.

"So you got back together, huh?" I know this is directed towards me.

"Yep," I answer cheerfully.

"I thought you were better than that, Bella. I thought you weren't stupid enough to let him in again."

I shrug. "If true love is stupid, then so be it. I forgave him."

Edward says nothing, just presses his lips against the side of my head.

"I'm disappointed in you. But then again, I kind of always knew it would happen, as hung up on him as you are."

Now I'm getting angry, but I try to stay calm. "It's a good thing then that your disappointment means nothing to me, as you have no influence and are no longer part of my life."

The words hurt him, I know, but it seems to be the only way to cut him out of my life without prolonging the pain.

He nods, and without another word someone I considered a friend walks away from me. It hurts, but I can't choose a friend over love.

* * *

**One more to be posted tomorrow :-) **


	70. Chapter 70

**70.**

"I'm so happy for you!" My mom gushes as she holds my hand in hers, looking at the beautiful diamond engagement ring on my finger.

We graduated a month ago and found an apartment in Seattle, and moved right back in together. I thought about it long and hard and Edward and I discussed it at length, and we decided to try and move forward instead of holding ourselves back. Although my mom wasn't sure it was the right decision, she also made sure I know she supports us and us being together.

Right after our graduation Edward asked me to marry him. He went down on his knee in front of everyone in our family.

I couldn't say no.

We've had some problems over the past months. We've fought a couple of times, which is something we never did before. But we're working on it. I still get angry about what happened sometimes but it's not fair of me to keep bringing it up when I love him so much and I want to move forward. It happened. It sucks. And although I do my best to trust him as completely as I did before, I still have that faint fear in the back of my head that he will do the same thing and break up with me again for whatever reason. Maybe it will never go away. But that's okay because every day he does his best to prove to me that he won't leave. Edward asking me to marry him helped a lot too.

We probably won't get married for another while. I don't mind having a long engagement. He never expected anything different, because in the end our reality doesn't always match with what we expect of life.

The commitment is there however, and I love him. And he loves me.

And that's all that matters in the end.

* * *

**Happy Valentine's Day everyone! **

**Next up (starting tomorrow) I will be re-posting Sunshine's Path. It has 90 drabbles total, I will be posting 5 drabbles a day. If you have me on author alert and this will bother you, you might want to change that but it's up to you :-) **

**Other than that I'm going to work on the drabble I have been working on for a while now, plus I have two other ideas in my head and I'm working on something pretty cool with Beegurl13. I'm busy busy busy! **

**Hope you enjoyed this story even if you disagreed with the characters, and have a great day today.**


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